Fragrance (novel) [23]
Pr. Dr. Dorin Octavian Picioruș
Fragrance
(novel)
*
And Marin blows on my old wounds, in how hard I felt among the rude, materialistic, stuck to the ground people. Those who, in fact, weren’t interested in the land, that’s why they all gave it to the association, so that some, like Paul, could work it with tractors. And they don’t care about wealth either, because they all die after vacations and trips abroad, where the things are „better” than theirs, although „in their own” yard they didn’t try to do anything. Oh, how hard it was for me to endure materialism incarnate! On people who were only greedy for physical things and who had no real, authentic thought. When I rooted myself in the Church of God and discovered its theology, then I truly began to see beyond the edges. Beyond the bus station, the train station, who I had been. Because I knew, I felt, I sensed that the real world could not be this small world without answers, but there is that one, the true one, which is not in a specific place, but is made up of people from all over the world, but which represents the authenticity. The books were my banishment from my village. Their truth made me a stranger on earth and that is why Dorin Streinu[1] or this foreign longing on earth, this divine longing, was the one who truly alienated me from vain things, in order to unite me with the One above all, with the God of glory.
The literature alienated me from people, making me ever more faithful to my feelings, while the Divine Priesthood made me a fresh bread for all. Alienated from all, I became one with our God through His glory, to serve Him unceasingly. And thus, I embraced both heaven and earth, for His Church is in heaven and on earth at the same time. And if we want it to be done on earth as it is in heaven, then we ask that His glory fill all and transfigure the entire creation of God.
My roads are vigils. I am filled with what I see, what I hear, what I feel, what I understand. It doesn’t matter how many understand what you do, because when God enlightens people, it is enough for one to speak about you. I open my phone like a book and the book defines me. My searches are findings. Books and personal pages and databases. All kinds of photos, countless audio and video files. And you see the relationships between cities on the map, knowing what to travel with, which hotel to stay at, where to eat. Lots of free data so that you can finally buy something. And if you stay somewhere, then you include all kinds of memories in your heart, some defining ones.
The small light of the candle is the comfort of morning prayers. Despite the september cloudiness, the darkness falling over the beginning of the day, I expect, like yesterday, the sun to rise around 10 and to rejoice. Although I started the workday peacefully. Ghenie was talking about the laziness that made him productive. About that state in which you look for yourself and discover yourself when you least expect it. The precision of the line compared to the rapidity of the lines, with the spots of color of all kinds that make the painting a unity, although it is a world of differences. And erasing faces is a refusal to look into the eyes. Or does he want to show our indifference to real dialogue, which begins with looking into the other person’s eyes. I can’t imagine a dialogue without stopping in the other person’s eyes. He is in front of me, I am talking to him, face-to-face conversation having nothing to do with talking behind his back. Whoever talks behind my back doesn’t have the courage to look me in the eye. And tell me what he thinks that he has to say. He hides from me. He speaks ill of me, he makes up stories about me, he lies shamelessly, with imposture, because he has no eyes for me. Because assuming your opinion means going with it to the other person. The personal diary is full of opinions about others. Most often, they, the others, will never know that you looked at them that way. In the first instance, you seem to be doing something unfair: you don’t let others express themselves. But the diary is your perspective on yourself and everyone else. It’s how you see things. You undertake to be honest with your conscience. And this honesty is a social one. Because the society finds out that you saw things the way you wrote and not otherwise.
[1] My literary pseudonym. Which means foreign longing.